“Hey guys welcome back to ‘Whisker Whisperers’ and today I’m joined by a friend of the show, Jane Lee Kurtis! How are things, Jane? And more importantly how is your cat Luna?” said Elijah. His podcast had started to take off and he really felt that this side hustle could soon replace his day job. Elijah was a telemarketer in his main role at the local accounting agency. He had to fulfill his daily call quota and more just to get by. The economy had not been kind to Elijah. His coworkers had been just as unkind to him. But his main hustle did have a benefit. He had gotten very good at talking to people and his marketing skills had really improved a lot. This had pushed him to start his show, Whisker Whisperers. It was a
show dedicated to talking about felines.
“Things are good, I can’t complain. Luna has just been a menace these days. But anyway, I’ve been looking forward to this all week since you called me.” Jane answered as she pulled the mic closer. Elijah had called her to come back on his show, this time to discuss more about cats and in particular the new Snow Leopard documentary. Jane continued to talk about the documentary and started giving her thoughts on the same. But today’s episode was even more special as this was the first time his network had secured some high paying sponsors for his show. “… and their claws are just so sharp and come in so early on it’s really fascinating.” Jane expounded. “And speaking of fascinating things, do you know what else is fascinating, Jane? Finer Assistance, an online mental health service that provides you with licensed professional therapists. Check them out at finerassistance.com!” said Elijah.
He had smoothly transitioned to the first ad read and he could hear the cha-ching in his mind. As the show went on he was able to do the same for two more products that he didn’t really care about and would never use. In fact, none of these products or services meant anything to him other than the paycheck. He wasn’t balding so he didn’t need the hair cream and nor did he need CBD gummies to function so those went out the window too. Jane felt a certain level of unease as she listened to him do the ad reads for the products. He seemed to care less about the actual topic of discussion as well. But she shook off that feeling by justifying that the podcast was free to listen to and there had to be some way for Elijah to make money off of this. As they continued to talk about the documentary, she mentioned how well it was made. “I mean, they really put a lot of effort into this work and you can feel it. This level of accuracy is rare to find.”, she said. “And speaking of accuracy, another thing that’s very accurate is the XR-17 missiles made by Strikefire Dynamics! These protect our nation from threats both domestic and foreign. For careers, go to their website and check out the jobs available section.” Elijah transitioned into the ad flawlessly. Jane raised an eyebrow. “Why are weapons manufacturers advertising on this show about cats?” she asked. “And those Strikefire missiles were the ones that got hacked last year if I remember correctly. I don’t think we should do this ad for them.” she added. Elijah stuttered and stammered, losing his smooth flow as he thought of ways to justify the ad read. “Uh, it’s fine. They probably just approach a lot of podcasts for this.” he stammered and moved past it. There was a long silence.
Jane moved on but still felt on edge after what she had witnessed. Elijah started to sweat as the time to do the next ad read came up. “The leopards also evolved to have piercing eyes and the researchers now think that it might be a double edged sword.” Jane spoke awkwardly. “And speaking of things that are piercing,” spoke Elijah, causing Jane to grimace. “Leadstorm technologies brings to you the new HVAP armor piercing bullet rounds capable of getting through 13 inches of strong alloy metal. Grab them at your nearest gun store.”
Jane didn’t speak for a few seconds and chose to ignore it this time. Her mind was disoriented. “Elijah, what did you think of the documentary’s impact on the way big cats are viewed?” she tried to change the topic after what had just happened.
“I think it is a great avenue and way for regular people to get to know more about big cats. They really are strong majestic beasts. And speaking of strong, Ingel’s Ivory. Made from only the strong tusks of elephants, their furniture really adds a lot to the aesthetics of your home.”
“Okay, I don’t know what is going on but we cannot be advertising this stuff!” Jane said sternly. “Well, this is my show and I can do whatever I want. I am a professional and I get the job done.”, he responded. Jane stared at him blankly as she took off her headset, pushed the microphone away and walked out of the room. There was dead air for a few minutes. Elijah coughed and continued to speak. “Well guys I guess the show is over for today since something came up for Jane and she had to leave. I would have loved to talk more about the overarching posture of the leopards that was shown in the documentary. And speaking of overarching, Bring Cameras brings to you 360Safe! A new 24/7 surveillance system that will soon be adopted by the government to keep each one of you safe. Your data is completely secure and not shared with anyone but you!”
“So guys tune in next week when we will talk about how you can clip your cat’s nails better! And speaking of…”