The Pigeons Outside My Window Might Be My Relatives

The Pigeons Outside my Window are My Relatives Spying On Me

It’s getting harder and harder to ignore the signs, & so I will come out and declare it – the pigeons who visit me by my window every day might be my ancestors. This might sound like an insane claim, but I swear I’m not crazy. Our first encounter was at the windowsill of my hostel room the dayI moved in. As it is, I was having a flustered, disturbed sleep, so imagine my horror when I woke up to come face to face with a pigeon staring into my soul. Now don’t think of those nice-looking, cute white doves. Think of the big, extra-feathery, red-eyed pigeons that look like your hairy, red-eyed, alcoholic uncle whom you don’t trust enough to be alone with. I opened the window to shoo the creature away. It gave me a  menacing look that might as well have been a smirk before flying away. 

Since then all different types of pigeons have visited me – big ones, small ones, noisy ones, creepy ones…the list goes on. One of the perks of moving to Pune was the fact that there were now a thousand kilometers between me and any nosy relative  who lives to  judge my actions. But that proved to be in vain when I realized the pigeons who might have been these same nosy relatives in  their past lives are just as capable of doing their work for them. Now I can’t eat or be on my phone peacefully without the pigeon-relatives looking me up and down with disgust. If I had a rupee for every time I was body-shamed by these birds I could build a barricade outside my window to keep them out. 

Then when I extend a friendly hand, tired of the hostility, they fly away, perpetually suspicious of my motivations.  Yet they have no qualms before food or money. One day, I woke up to find a vicious looking pigeon flying out of my room, through the open window with a shiny object that looked suspiciously like a coin. Taking your parents’ money in sneaky, definitely illegal ways is peak relative behaviour.  So yes, I believe I am completely justified in thinking that these pigeons are my obnoxious relatives and I will fight anyone who disagrees.