So Shall You Reap
I see her writhing in angst again
She quotes the raven ‘Nevermore’
In all my years as a Reaper I-
Have never felt so welcome before.
Her eyes are sunken, eye sockets grey
So breathing corpses, too decay
She puts a silicone under one side
Of a perfect blouse, covering away
Her left breast shrunk.
She ties a scarf over a balding head
Looks in the mirror and hates herself
The pitiful stares written for her today
Make her shiver more than agony does
I relish the sense of foreboding she has.
Her fear of death is delicious.
Behind her shelf are morphine pills
She pulls out three and pops them in
My gaze falls to her blackened skin
Charred and sunken with radiation
I see hungry crabs all around it
Feasting on her life’s core
Thanking them for their contribution
I proceed to titillate my greed
My favourite part is revelation
‘You die today’ I announce to her
‘I saw you coming’ she says to me
‘But I can’t leave right now,
Lest my daughter be
An orphan all her life so please’
I smile at her viciously.
I like that she is scared of me.
I take her by the hand and pull
She screeches and struggles, begs me to leave
She cries. She screams she doesn’t want to die
Calls out to her daughter one last time
But the daughter doesn’t come today
Maybe because it’s study time.
‘It was her,’ I tell her.
‘Your daughter summoned me.’
She pulls back. Reading truth from lies.
‘And so she did,’ tear drenched eyes
‘Take care my love’ she screams aloud
As her diseased lungs fall out.
Thud! On the ground, here lies she
Her hearing I know is functional still
Still mumbling, her voice is shrill
She writhes at my feet
And I know by the light in her eyes
That flashing in them
Is her short life
Two abortions forced
An angel-like daughter
An unfair divorce
Hospital lights, sweet morphine
The inside of an MRI machine
Her wailing eyes are filled with pain
She knows she cannot do it again.
Yet she is not ready to say goodbye.
Manic now, she holds on to life
With all she has got.
I tell her a story to help her sleep, I tell her:
On my way from a farmer’s suicide
I heard your daughter’s morbid sigh
‘I have my board exams tomorrow
I can’t think about hospital bills
I can’t rub her ankles and
Fetch for her those morphine pills.
While she is yet high on drugs
I can’t hold her in empty hugs.
And now she is screaming again
Why do I feel she’s feigning pain?
Oh God she’s loud
Calling out my name.
Again and again
I’ll go insane
Or maybe I already have
I’m sick of her being sick all the time
Last night, she hurled curses at me
After our weekly hospital trip.
Well I curse her back.
I know she missed
I know it was
‘cause of my school fee
I know I should feel shame and guilt
But feelings have stopped existing for me.
She is always so loud.
At me, she takes her anger out
I wonder if she is faking it
To make me feel blue right now
I do feel so blue right now
She is in pain, and I think somehow
She wants me to suffer too
I wish….she would just go now
I think it has been long due.’
And of all the wishes your daughter had,
This one came true.
Wish for something with rueful passion…
And dead. Her black eyes are now ashen.
I leave the house with new death earned
Though it won’t be long before I returned
I will be back to help her daughter decide
Between sleeping pills and a good old knife.